176 ;;

[Filter: Private]

I said I needed to think about things, but I haven't really been doing any thinking. The truth is... I don't know if I'll ever figure out what's best for me. Leaving home all those years ago ... what good has it done me? I never found the bastard, I never had an actual plan after finding him, and as things are there's just no way in hell I ever will find him.

But I can't imagine what life would have been like if I had just stayed anyway. I'd probably still be miserable. At least leaving has allowed me some experience. Experience I would never have gotten in that kind of place. Even if painful and ... weird and ... haha, boyfriends.

I can't believe I sent them festival presents already. You'd think that would be the last thing on my mind, but I went and sent them presents. Not a letter, though. I don't think I could justify writing them a letter with what's been going on in this place. Even if it's starting to get a little better now that people are aware of it and trying to do something about it.

I mean... Hanalan! They're not supposed to do the persecuting foreigners thing. What do they think this is, Atsiria? Though they'd probably be insulted if they realized that. I ... I really shouldn't think badly of them. Especially since I know it's not everyone. But my nice face feels so strained lately. If it cracks it could be big trouble at work, but at least that's still a safe place.

Hopefully when this passes Daisy and I can just get ourselves our house and things can hopefully get more normal. Though who knows how long that will last, if she and Nathan decide that they want to get serious. We won't be this young forever. Some people are even married by now ... I'm going to be twenty in a few months. And that'll sneak right up on us, I just know it.

[Filter: Anton]

... Hey. Sorry about being all weird before. I thought about it, I'm over it, and it's cool, okay?